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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been often taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends vanished during that time, since they had been only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, probably grasped better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, although she was highly competent, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my role between us is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she has unyielding views. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for a while. I attempted to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just ended four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, yet this is rarely the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to working things out demands strength and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they cannot abandon since their identity is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react like this then consider your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been open and direct.